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PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2019 9:10 am   Post subject:   

I feel so guilty that i must date again a year after husband



The guilt that accompanies these feelings is awful. It's like I'm unfaithful to him by even thinking about anyone else. I miss joining a couple, Being cared for and adored and I also miss intimacy. Sometimes though I'm also grieving so badly that all I need to do is stay in bed and not see anyone.



My husband's death was through a long illness and was therefore not unexpected. I cared for him until the end and he had a very peaceful death surrounded by family.



Even though my husband was not my first lover we had been together a long time and I'm petrified that I won't be able to cope with what's "the norm" Now if I in order to date again.



I try to stay positive and arrange to see friends more often. The thoughts of online dating service is not appealing.



I guess what I'm actually looking for here is some advice as to whether you think I'm ready or should wait a while longer until it's "Seemly" begin the process dating again. I'd appreciate your thoughts as I don't feel I can confide these conflicted feelings to anyone.



Mary feedback: I'm so sorry that you lost your husband at such an young age. Grief affects us all in different ways and I think you will have to realise that there is no downward or upward steady continuum while going through the process. Instead it comes and goes in waves some days can be better than others and some are as you describe, Not wanting to eliminate bed.



I think it is a fantastic tribute to your husband that you are beginning to think of male company again. having, If your marriage had been very unhappy you would be steering well clear of men for a long time. And as you begin to accept the new normality of life without him then it is very much in order that you start dating again. You are a relatively young woman with hopefully many more decades ahead of you and it is only right that you should begin thinking of having somebody in your life.



I can understand your terror regarding dating, specially when it gets to the sexual side of things. A friend told me that as she was preparing to go on her first dating in spanish date i really hope untimely death of her husband, Her teenage children were asking her if she had condoms collectively, And she was absolutely appalled never having used condoms with her husband who had previously been her first and only lover. But keep in mind when you get to know somebody new and start being sexual with him he will have his own history, will undoubtedly be around the same age as you and will be equally worried as to how things will go. So don't get too hung up on what will happen when you start having sex with somebody new everybody worries as to what each other will think of them.



The guilt you are feeling because in some way you think you are being disloyal to your husband is perfectly normal. But you have no need to feel like this if the roles were reversed I'm sure you would wish for your husband to start his life and meet somebody new. Amy Krouse Rosenthal recently wrote a most amazingly touching letter about moving on in The New York Times. She had terminal cancer and wrote looking for a person new for her husband. She documented him so lovingly, Listing all his good points and wishing whoever was sufficiently fortunate to get him every happiness. I'm sure you have access to some validation from reading it. Your children will also wish only the good for you, Happy in keep rising that you did everything possible to care for their father in his final illness.


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