Do you know what I mean about fear Lori? You see where I am coming from on that right?
I think sometimes when people have a fear of losing or showing what they feel because they feel it is a weakness. It is not a weakness, they are not any smaller of a man. I just hope he sees this before it is too late.
I have to go for a few days of training that is like a four hour drive on Feb 20-22, not looking forward to traveling in February, always a chance that the weather could be risky, so since it is a few weeks away I am trying not to put it out of my mind until about a week before it happens or I will be a worry wart. Get really anxious and moody. I told them that if the weather is crappy I am not going to risk it. Hopefully it won't be cause they don't take not showing up to lightly but I am not going to risk life or limb to get there. I would have to travel the turnpike and there are a lot of big trucks on there, that makes me even more nervous. I have made this trip at least 10 times but it is always in the middle of summer. Wish they were putting it off until then, but they won't. Oh well, have to wait and see
Do you know what I mean about fear Lori? You see where I am coming from on that right?
Yes, I agreed, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about...some people get their actions all 'wharped'' up...they fear abandonment, and rather than treat her like a queen, he treats her like crap so she wouldn't '''realize''' how scared he is....or he thinks if he ''acts'' like this toward her when the 'inevitiable' does occur (her leaving), it won't hurt so bad...just twisted...lots of men like this...
I'll make you feel alittle better about your trip Good natured...I travel an average of 150 miles a day in all kinds of crap weather (some times as much as 300 miles)...everyday....next month (and every other month) I have to drive four HOURS ONE WAY for a 2-3 hour meeting that could be covered in a half page memo! and back the same day! SO STUPID....AND PISSES ME OFF EVERY TIME! _________________ **************************************
Life gaurantees a chance NOT a fair shake
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FIND a way EVERY day to lighten the load of another
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Thanks Lori, This is a veterans training, it will be three days long, three days of hearing the same crap that we already know. It is only once a year, I just get nautious at the winter driving on the turnpike, they say, the turn pike it always clean, well I say, there are more big trucks and more idiots that like to drive fast on the turnpike!!!!!!!!!!
I just hope we have a few days of good weather or I won't be going and probably will get chewed out for it.
I hear dat! Three of four more inches coming my way today...aghhhh....they do say that due to the check points turnpikes are not supposed to have bad speeding (you can actually get a ticket when they check you thru if you made too good of time!--in KS anyway)....I know what you mean about the driving...especially in bad weather, I have to do so much of it...and my phone never stops ringing, everyone from my kids, parents, sister, grandma, husband etc...making sure I'm ok...even had a message from my 19 month old grand daughter! ha ha, ''Namy, I wuv u Namy, Car-ful Namy" so sweet....if it helps you even a 'veteran' like me of driving in ugly weather, I clinch up for the duration too when the streets are bad:( _________________ **************************************
Life gaurantees a chance NOT a fair shake
**************************************
FIND a way EVERY day to lighten the load of another
**************************************
I guess if they put some thing new out that is useful it will be okay. Like what are we doing for our wounded warrior, families of our veterans while they are deployed, etc, etc. But it seems each year that we get the same old speech and I go back to my little world with no more than I went there with.
That is sweet that your grandbaby calls and leaves you messages, at just the right time, that could bring tears to your eyes.
I have to put time on my phone, I am toooooo cheap to buy a plan so I still use the tracfone, had a cell one, way tooooo much money for the same service that I get through tracfone. I usually dump it all summer long and just activate it if I foresee a lot of travel or the weather is getting tough. I think I have like 14 minutes left, so I will go on ebay and buy some discounted time. LOL.
What causes Bipolar Disorder?
The cause of Bipolar Disorder is not fully understood. However it is likely that there are several factors at work. It seems very likely that there is a genetic component, but there is no simple biological identifier for the illness. More than 50% of people with Bipolar Disorder have at least one parent with a mood disorder.
I agree with that...almost anyone I know with this has parents/children with the same...clearly a genetic link. _________________ **************************************
Life gaurantees a chance NOT a fair shake
**************************************
FIND a way EVERY day to lighten the load of another
**************************************
He has told the kids he loves them and I told me lots of time. It a matter of weighing the good times and the bad times.Now the bad times are beginning to outweigh the good. He was raised by one parent who I might classify as by-polar too,his mother.She was a very strange one while he was growing up and his dad reacted much like me till he died 2 years ago. My hubby screams a lot at us.The whole house has turned into a bunch of screamers always screaming at each other.I grew up in a house where my father was a weekend drunk.he would take his money and while we sat at home watching out the window for his car lights to come home with food,he was drinking it up.My parents argued all the time and separated so many times.I never blamed my mother though .He was always threatening to kill her when he was drinking.Anyway i have had lots of training to be committed to a relationship till there is nothing left there. He does feel bad that he has reacted so bad in front of the kids but he says he can't take it back.But he can do better i say.But I think it is to late for the kids.
hummingbird,
Just because you went through it as a child does not make it okay, you know how hurtful it can be from true experience, do you really want your kids to experience that hurt and pain.
I hope he straightens up soon, it may not be too late for the kids if they start seeing a better side of him soon. Better late than never.
You know it's really hard to go against your rearing....I grew up in a well, it was not a good childhood...However I made the consciense decision that my children would have a great childhood...I would make damn sure of it...and I think if you'd ask them, they would say they did. I was bound and determined come hell or high water, this pattern was going to stop with me...(on my branch of the family tree anyway).....It's never too late...for you or your kids or husband, but you can only change you...you and only you are in charge of your behaviors and reactions...it's hard, I know....but when you make a commitment to change, you must have a resolve. You will be surprised how your family could change when one person (most important in my opinion the mama) changes how she handles situations and reacts...for instance if you absolutely refuse to 'engage' or scream yourself no matter what is sent your way....it'll take a long while and belive me they will do all they can to try and make you...but you have to decide.....I'm reading a really good book by the same author I told you about (in your library) called, ''bad childhood, good life'' check it out....it may prove helpful....remember 'one person can make a difference' _________________ **************************************
Life gaurantees a chance NOT a fair shake
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FIND a way EVERY day to lighten the load of another
**************************************
I agree Lori, and from a mothers point of view you always want a better life for your kids. hummingbird, you know first hand what living in fear means, you know first hand that verbal abuse and screaming is just as painful as someone taking an axe to your head, it can tear your heart out sometimes, like cher said, words are like weapons, they wound you sometimes. Pretty soon scar tissue builds up and you get more resistant to the pain. Still is not right. I like Lori's approach her. Most people would say, leave the *******, but instead, she is saying that if you don't scream back, then it is one less screamer in the household and if they see that their screaming is not getting the reacation that they want, they will stop, at least the screaming at you.
Home is supposed to be a good place to be, where you find comfort and love, not a war zone, time to call a cease fire and let the key players know, you are not playing anymore.
thanks august....very well summation of exactly what i was trying to say.....with the emphasis that you cannot ever change another, only your self....i heard one time, that family strife, and really any kind of problems....bring out the best and the worse....we aren't measured by the weight of the burden, everyone has their own to carry, rather the way we CHOSE to carry it. _________________ **************************************
Life gaurantees a chance NOT a fair shake
**************************************
FIND a way EVERY day to lighten the load of another
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