by goodnatured » Sat Jan 05, 2008 05:48 pm
Is age the only factor that you should take into consideration when you deciding if your teenager should drive or not, I don't think so.
Driving is a privilege not a right, along with this privilege comes responsibility so here are some things to consider when deciding if your teenage is old enough to get a drivers license or permit.
1. How mature is your teen? Some are more mature than others and you as a parent are held responsible, they go on your insurance for the first few years of driving.
2. Do they attend school regularly? Attendance in school should be one of your signs of what your teen is up too. Employers will even use school attendance of a hiring factor so this may be something that the insurance company will look at too. Vehicle insurance for teens is neither easy for the parents nor for the carrier.
3. Are they responsible with other things that they own, if they don't take care of their own items, they are not going to care about your insurance or vehicle, they are not going to care about other fellow drivers either.
Insurance rates go through the roof when you add a young driver, it is there prior actions not what they promise that will show you if they are ready to drive or not. You are the ultimate judge of this. Some parents listen to a child as soon as they turn 16 and take them to get their permit, I think it should go more on the maturity of the child, not the age.
After they get a driver's permit, make sure they follow the rules of the permit, don't allow them to take the short cuts, if it says they need so many hours of driving, then make them follow it. Don't let them drive at night, if the permit says they are not supposed to. Set your own rules in addition to what the state laws, no more than one friend in the car with them. No speeding, No cell phone use while driving. What may be common sense to us may not be for teens. And of course the big one, No drinking and driving, it is devastating to see a young person die as a result of something that could have been avoided.
Go for a ride with your teen every now and then, see for yourself how they are doing behind the wheel, don't get in the habit of letting your teen have the keys anytime they want.
This is a very important time in a teens life and they will want their drivers license as soon as they turn of age. It is up to you to figure out if your kid is ready or not. There are plenty of posts on this forum about young people and accidents. What are you thoughts?
Driving is a privilege not a right, along with this privilege comes responsibility so here are some things to consider when deciding if your teenage is old enough to get a drivers license or permit.
1. How mature is your teen? Some are more mature than others and you as a parent are held responsible, they go on your insurance for the first few years of driving.
2. Do they attend school regularly? Attendance in school should be one of your signs of what your teen is up too. Employers will even use school attendance of a hiring factor so this may be something that the insurance company will look at too. Vehicle insurance for teens is neither easy for the parents nor for the carrier.
3. Are they responsible with other things that they own, if they don't take care of their own items, they are not going to care about your insurance or vehicle, they are not going to care about other fellow drivers either.
Insurance rates go through the roof when you add a young driver, it is there prior actions not what they promise that will show you if they are ready to drive or not. You are the ultimate judge of this. Some parents listen to a child as soon as they turn 16 and take them to get their permit, I think it should go more on the maturity of the child, not the age.
After they get a driver's permit, make sure they follow the rules of the permit, don't allow them to take the short cuts, if it says they need so many hours of driving, then make them follow it. Don't let them drive at night, if the permit says they are not supposed to. Set your own rules in addition to what the state laws, no more than one friend in the car with them. No speeding, No cell phone use while driving. What may be common sense to us may not be for teens. And of course the big one, No drinking and driving, it is devastating to see a young person die as a result of something that could have been avoided.
Go for a ride with your teen every now and then, see for yourself how they are doing behind the wheel, don't get in the habit of letting your teen have the keys anytime they want.
This is a very important time in a teens life and they will want their drivers license as soon as they turn of age. It is up to you to figure out if your kid is ready or not. There are plenty of posts on this forum about young people and accidents. What are you thoughts?
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 11:00 am Post Subject:
glad to hear you limit those video games, and/or t.v....man those games are going to be the ruination of kids....i swear we are raising a population of fat couch potatoes!
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 04:11 pm Post Subject:
I totally agree. I have the bad habit of playing video games way to much. But I try and make sure I do some type of physical activity. But I am far from a fat couch potatoe.
Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 09:35 pm Post Subject:
Well, It ruins it for the rest of us if some buy their kids new cars. I had that happen when our son was old enough to drive. he had a friend who's parenst bought him nicer things to drive . I don't happen to think kids new nice or newer vehicles to start driving if my sons driving is any example. He had an accident even in the school parking lot. Then in another parking lot. What happens is kids cutting through the parking lot just speed through without even looking to see if anything is coming. I see my daughter starting this patern.I have told her so mnay times go slow never know when some one is coming down a lane there.If I considered all the things on the op, my daughter would not be driving at this time. Do I thionk she is ready?NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! She will be 17 in March but NO!!!!!!! she is not ready to drive without me there! She has no cell phone but she continually turns the cd player and messes with that stuff! We fight the whole time she is driving .She has already broke the bumper guard off the underside of my bumper and broke my sun visor. She is going to trash my car soon. She only bothers to get grades good enough to pass, that could be a D.Her room is trashed.It seems the only thing she takes care of and is responsible with is her 4 horses. She does not care for her belongings .People say i never have anything good to say about her. But here is the good, I love her and she has a definite way with horses.Having broke 2 of them herself.
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 10:48 am Post Subject:
Well, It ruins it for the rest of us if some buy their kids new cars
See, I disagree with that....There are ALWAYS going to be people that have more than you, and people that have less...The key is to be thankful and appreciative of what you do have, and benevolent to those that have less....I don't happen to think kids new nice or newer vehicles to start driving if my sons driving is any example. He had an accident even in the school parking lot.
I'm with you there! Our daughter wrecked my car her first TIME driving by herself backing out of a tanning salon girl hit a gas meter! i ask her if they installed it while she was in there tanning! geeze! :shock: :roll:We fight the whole time she is driving
I hear dat too! My personal opinion is that teenage girls for the most part are far worse drivers than the boys (at my house anyway)...girls are always messin' with something when they should be paying attention to their driving, be it their hair, make up, or looking for someone to wave at ! drove me crazy and they KNOW everything and ALWAYS are going too fast....(my personal experiences anyway!)...boys tend to get in trouble 'showing off''....if I were the boss of the world NO teen driver 16-17-18 could have ANY passenger except parent for at least a year and NO MUSIC, OR CELL PHONE! Until they had driven citation and accident free for at least a year!.People say i never have anything good to say about her.
Teenage girls (especially your own) hard hard to LIKE sometimes...but self esteem and self worth are so important....let me tell you something I did when our daughter turned about 11 and started making me crazy...It seemed to me that all I did was yell at her...not that she didnt' have it coming mind you! BUT I'm the adult right? So I started 'making' myself compliment her at least five times a day...(kept track on my calendar until it became a habit)....some days it was difficult and all I could say was, ''I like your shoes''...aggggggggh...it just seemed to me that everything that was coming out of my mouth was negative, and we had developed a poor communication style...(me yelling then her stomping off and slamming the door until she did it once to many times and her Daddy took it off the hinges for a week or two no more bedroom door slamming after that let me tell you!)....and again after all it was MY fault...I was the Mama and adult thus my responsiblity to change it...anyway...this worked for me, and turned things around...she's 29 now, we couldn't be closer...hope this helps....Oh one other thing as to the not appreciating or taking care of things they have...one of my better mama moments...our daughter was being well what teenage girls are...and very demanding mouthy, not at all appreciative and just well a brat! After a sting of this...I let her believe she was going to do something she had planned for that weekend...however, i had already set up (was totally honest about my motives with the director) that she was going to work at the free food kitchen instead...(she must've been about 14)...well she threw a fit, and drama...but tough...she went...I want you to know I couldn't have done a better thing for that child...the most impact came when two girls she went to school with came thru the line and she had no idea she even 'knew' anyone that didn't have enough to eat! After that she was much more appreciative of EVERYTHING, and also volunteered there on her own for many years there after.....just a thought.....
Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 04:33 am Post Subject:
Just be really careful about how you talk to her, even if she disrespects you, talking back to her disrespectfully will only encourage this behavior. I know a teenage girl can be frustrating, you as a parent are right to take things away if she don't take care of them or don't buy her things if she don't take care of what she has. Do as much as you have to and tell her, it was the bare minimum to get by, like your grades. You can handle all of this in a nice way, she will think you fell and bumped your head. I wish you luck with her, soon she will be out of your house and on her own, you will miss her. Hopefully she will care for her own house better than she cares for yours now. I wish you much luck and patience.
Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 04:57 pm Post Subject:
Lori, your words meant a lot to me and your stories and experiences as well were most enlightening. WE have no soup kitchen here ,but it sounds great. Glad to know I am not the only one in this boat. What you say about boys driving is the opposite in my house. My son was a speeder at heart but after enough tickets and insurance hikes he has done an about face. I am honestly afraid to turn my daughter loose in a car without me there. I did let her go around a subdivision where her grandmother lives .Her friend whom, was with her at the time said she drove much better without me there. What does that mean? I think it means when depending on herself she pays more attention to whats happening than relying on me to alert her to other things going on around her.I will certainly try the 2 compliments aday and let you know how that goes.Although I may be hard pressed to find 5 maybe I will fine 3...lol
Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 11:16 pm Post Subject:
Just work on it hummingbird, it takes time. Sometimes it is easier for us to find the flaws in people than the diamonds. I am sure that your kids are great people, I am sure that if you stop and think of a more innocent time maybe when they were little and you watched them sleep when they did not know you were watching, LOL. Those thoughts always brought a smile to my face.
My youngest is in jail now, that boy has broke my heart and raised my blood pressure more than once. I know that is not his intention. He is just being a young 27 year old man, I see improvements and then something happens and he is right back in jail again. No matter what he does, he is my son and I love him. Your kids will try your patience, they will try you, they will down right wear you out. But you know what, if there come a day when they are down and out, in a hospital bed, mine turned 27 on life support, drug overdose, I prayed to god every minute that he just open his eyes. Just open your eyes, just open your eyes, just open your eyes, oh god I prayed and prayed. He eventually come out of it and his heart was damaged. He is his own person and with all his stupid mistakes that he makes, he is still my son and as mad as he gets me, I will always be there for him. Because I am his mother.
I wish you luck, hang in there with your kids, they are not targeting you, but they are struggling between adulthood and childhood, just try to be supportive and give them guidance. We know you have it in you.
Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 01:37 am Post Subject:
erb,
I feel for you, hope he straightens out soon. God bless you. That was a really moving post, I am sure that every parent here will appreciate it.
Lori,
As far as those that can't control a three year old, omg, get real, they must have let this child get a way with everything from birth. I think at three there is still time to turn it around, might be a little rough, three year olds can be pretty stubborn and set in there ways, but with positive reinforcement miracles can happen. I think this is just a product of bad parenting or just plain ignorance. They do have parenting classes if it is just a case of not knowing what you are doing, some of these people need to look them up and take them.
and yeah erb, I do feel like kicking the poop out of them, LOL.
Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 01:27 pm Post Subject:
I think it means when depending on herself she pays more attention to whats happening than relying on me to alert her to other things going on around her.
maybe, that could be part of it..Her friend whom, was with her at the time said she drove much better without me there. What does that mean?.
It means she's a teenage girl that (where her mother is concerned) she knows EVERYTHING there is to know, and she (at times) tries to piss you off, because, well you piss her off ! :lol: :D it's the nature of the beast for awhile....and really another teen aged girl in my book wouldn't be a good 'driving credic! ha ha....I get what you mean though, and I think they do better at alot of things out of our site!will certainly try the 2 compliments aday and let you know how that goes.Although I may be hard pressed to find 5 maybe I will fine 3...lol
YOU CAN DO IT!!! I promise if you do it for 30days you will see a difference and also don't forget 'pick your battles'....her messy room more than likely won't have a hoot to do with the type of grown up she turns out to be...which really is our job right? raising them to be responsible, respectful, caring adults right? Drove me crazy too, but I HAD to get over it, and shut the door, otherwise I was bitchin' non-stop, so I had to decide (before I started in) ''does this REALLY matter"...Lord knows there is plenty that DOES so let the little stuff go........ :wink:Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 02:47 pm Post Subject:
Seems like we have somehow moved ourselves away from the main topic, which I actually don't remember, but I think it was about "Teenage Drivers" or something.
Now we seem to be into "Parenting", which can be a good subject, too.
Parents most often make the mistake of being "dictators".
Let's face it, our kids spend more time with their teachers at school than they do with their parents. When we, as parents, do get some time with our kids, we don't make it quality time.
"You get in there and clean your room, right now mister!" or, I really like this one, "When I was your age I didn't have those nice video games and stuff, you just don't know how to appreciate things!".
Since when are we doing our kids a favor when we go to Wal-Mart and buy them a $50 video game, where they can spend the next month sitting in front of a TV screen, just making their butts bigger?
Then we wonder why their grades are down. Then we spend the next six weeks telling them how they can do better.
Everyone likes to be needed and to be a "part" of something, even our kids.
When was the last time you just sat down with your son or daughter, told them about a problem and asked - "What do you think?"
Our kids are not "property", they are a gift.
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